New Friends

Sometimes, I consider making new friends to be hard work. And because it's hard work, sometimes I can convince myself that it's TOO hard of work. "It would take too much energy and time to make new friends." I try to convince myself of this. But then I realize, maybe it's not the hard work that I'm afraid of. Maybe I'm afraid of becoming vulnerable with someone else and then, maybe the other person won't want be my friend, and I would have opened myself only to to be let down in the end. It's sound like 5th grade mentality, doesn't it? I know what you might be thinking. Being open and making new friends are both very good things. And deep down, I agree 100%. A person shouldn't be afraid of opening up and just being themselves, right? Right. However, I'm still scared. I'm scared that if I open myself up in an attempt to make new friends, I may learn that not everyone likes me or wants to be my friend. I think that's called pride. Having pride in yourself is an okay and important thing. But I am also confident in this: although it can hurt and it can be difficult, loving others and being loved by others is an even more important and necessary thing.

When I look at my childhood friendships and the new friendships I've formed since, there's not just One definite moment or instant that started each friendship. That's not how it usually works, I don't think. More realistically, making new friends is a process. And a process that sometimes you control but sometimes you don't. I haven't figure out a magic formula nor do I intend to write a how-to manual which I could entitle "How to make new friends," but rather I do believe that making new friends is a process and a journey. and a journey that is WORTHWHILE! You usually don't become friends with someone overnight. Intentionality. Open-mindedness. Sincerity. Trustworthiness. Love. Compassion. Love. To me, this is a formula (notice, I didn't say "the" formula) to a true friendship. I LONG to be in relationship with people who en vibe these characteristics. I NEED to know that the people that I surround myself with are sincere and open and committed. This may all sound pretty selfish but I don't mean it to sound like such. It's just that I consider "making friends" to be a very serious "process." I take it so seriously for two reasons. First, because I can't do it by myself. I would not be ME, if I was only "me." I would not Natalie, if there were no Nicole, Danielle, Emilie, Emily, etc.

Second, I take it so seriously because I know that in any relationship, there is a certain amount of risk involved. It's a two-way street. Maybe the other person isn't willing to meet you half-way. This inevitability happens. Nonetheless, if I am going to take that risk and open myself up, I need to know that I can trust and confide in the other person. I know that it's unreasonable to think that every friendship that I enter into, that it will last forever and ever. This is just not so. But this doesn't mean that we should not form relationships. I believe that we were created to be relational beings. It was that way ever since the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve.

So...this is what I think. I realize my thoughts have been here, there and everywhere. Its just how my brain is working these days. Please excuse me. But, to sum it all up, this is as much a reminder to me as it is to you that we should all expect to be humbled. And to be humbled daily. We were created to be relational beings, and therefore, as long as the human race exists (sorry, I'm not trying to get all fatalistic on you), we, as a people, will interact and ultimately form relationships with those people whom we can most trust and most be ourselves around. So, we open ourselves up and enroll in New Friends 101. And without fail, we will learn new things about ourselves and about the people in our class. And it will be a process. There will be things that we like and things that we don't like that we learn about ourselves and others. But it will be worthwhile class ! IfI am not willing to be open and real with the others who are also in enrolled in the same class, I will not grow and I will have missed out on an AWESOME opportunity. I NEED to be open. I NEED to practice loving others and being intentional with my relationships. I HOPE that I will NEVER stop making new friends. I hope the same for you.